Forgiveness.
Have you given yourself this gift?
What does it mean to you to forgive? At what length will you go to seek forgiveness from another person? Do you take the same energy of seeking forgiveness from others and do the same for yourself?
In pure Mercury Retrograde fashion, someone from my past reached out… they apologized for their behavior and were hoping that one day I would forgive them. This idea of forgiving (not my Mercury Retrograde “gift”), but the action of forgiving hasn’t left my mind since.
To forgive takes reflection, effort, and vulnerability, and it takes faith in the unknown… it can be a total gamble to forgive someone. In some situations, you could fall right into the same pattern and be in the same exact place where you left off. In forgiveness also lies personal accountability, once you have forgiven one has to actively make an effort to move on or forward from the situation in the best way possible. Oftentimes it’s easier to not forgive, and to be honest there are many situations that are unforgivable.
So this idea of forgiving sparked massive introspection about the idea of forgiving ourselves. It made me dive deep into my own self and think “Well Kim, do you actually ever forgive yourself? Have you taken some time to look at all of your ruminations and try to forgive yourself and move forward?”
Of course, the real answer is “Umm, not really but thanks for asking!”
“Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love.” -Gary Chapman
Unconsciously for decades all I did was run, escape, ruminate, repeat. Often I will catch myself in my thoughts about the past (of course they just pop up out of nowhere), and I relive “regrets” or experiences over and over again in my mind whilst giving myself a terrible time about all of it. I think to myself “Why did you do that?! How come you didn’t listen to your intuition? Why the hell did you date this person? Why did you run all of those years?! I should have done this, I should have done that, I should have, should have, should have…” The list of SHOULDS, tortuous questions, and dialogue rambles on and on endlessly in my mind.
When will I forgive myself…?
Like all things that I have been learning on my healing journey, without awareness, there can be no change. I see that this action, this verb, forgiveness is a catalyst in transmuting my own INNER DIALOGUE. Like the Aries I am, I try to take on the entire task of forgiving myself for everything all in one fell swoop. Super unrealistic and overwhelming LOL. Something I have definitely learned about myself is that I need to start small, so bit by bit I am learning to find some grace in compassion in those moments, and truly embody the feeling of forgiving myself. This is a true act of self-love.
If you feel called to reflect, click on the button below for a few journal prompts. You can always come back and revisit this page. Anyways, I hope this inspires a reflection to perhaps forgive yourself for at least one thing. You deserve it! You deserve this deep loving relationship with yourself, and this is a great place to start. It is not just the action of forgiving yourself, but also integrating the belief into your emotional and physical body…true embodiment of forgiveness.
"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future." -Paul Boose
xo, Kimi