It's only been 25 days

I can't believe she is gone

Grief. I’ve never been here before, not in this capacity. I’ve lost a friend that I was close to in my youth, people have come and gone, but this experience is one that I cannot process. My mother is gone. She left unexpectedly and is no longer here with me. I hurt like I have never hurt before. The feelings of this pain are incomprehensible. This is an experience that I wish for no one. I know there are many of you out there who have lost their person. My mother was my only person. My one true love of my life.

Grief creeps up like a silent mamba, slithering through the tall grasses of daily moments then strikes leaving one paralyzed by the multitude of emotions, pain, suffering, lack of control, feelings of utter hopelessness, harboring an unfocused and chaotic mind alongside the unwillingness to want to go on. All of it being too large for the physical body to handle. Even moving my fingertips across this keyboard feels like weights dragging me to the bottom of the ocean floor.

At this time, this is all I can muster up about my mother’s passing. The love and support of friends and community have been incredible to receive. It has shown me that the core of the human spirit, especially if you have gone through this, is to give love without question. I never understood the pain of grief, and to those folks who have been in my life that I did not support fully, I am sorry. For those who have yet to experience this, there is no greater wish I have for you to not have to.

This may be my process…to write about my mother and my experience with grief, perhaps this is what INNER DIALOGUE evolves into. Only each moment will show what is to come of writing. Those who want to stay I welcome you, and those who may feel this isn’t in alignment with what you want to receive in a newsletter I understand.

To those who ever need someone to talk to about their grief please feel free to reach out to me. Maybe we can create a community, maybe it is just 1:1, or maybe we can all gather.

Be kind to those precious lives who you have in your life right now. Take that trip to see them, don’t be afraid to say “I love you”, take all the photos you can while you are together, and relish in the gift of life with each other.

Love,

Kim